The first hour and a half, I didn't do anything. I wasted time walking around or sitting in discrete locations. And when I couldn't avoid working any longer, I was actually thankful. I thought it would help time move faster. But it didn't. Even while I was cleaning, time still moved slower than a three-legged dog which had two broken legs.
And that's when I decided I'd do it. I'd leave work without telling anyone. I'd just stop cleaning, take off my gear, turn in my tools and padlocks, and get the Hell away from there. It was going to be a great escape. In my mind's eye, I saw myself slipping through the factory with the stealth of a ninja, moving undetected amongst my naive co-workers, inwardly laughing to myself and their obliviousness.
I never really expected my escape to be so glamorous. I just hoped no one tried to stop me. And it probably would have turned out that way, if I hadn't been so excited and nervous that I screwed up.
While I was leaving the production floor, Mario (see Co-Worker Freak Show) asked me where I was going. I lied and told him I needed to pee. He nodded and returned to minding his own business--as he should have! So, I was caught, and I lied. It didn't seem like too big of a deal. But when I made it to the locker room, I realized I had forgotten to take one of my locks off one of the machines I had been cleaning (we cut the power to the machines and lock the power switches in the off position to prevent them from being turned on while we are cleaning them and causing us to lose our fingers, hands, arms, or lives). I could have left my lock on the machine, but it would have drawn attention to my absence and cost me an $11 replacement fee when it had to be cut off. Hating to do it, I decided I would rather return to the machine, remove the lock, and run away with an extra $11 in my pocket.
The only problem was that I had already thrown away my safety gear and I would have to wear it to go back out onto the production floor to fetch my lock.
Compromising, I pulled out the absolute essentials (hard hat, ear plugs, hair and bear net, safety glasses) from the trash (they didn't seem too dirty or contaminated) and I hoped that everyone would be so preoccupied that they wouldn't notice me running around with only half of my sanitation gear on. I kept chanting "Be preoccupied! Be preoccupied!" to myself as I rushed to the machine and back. No one said anything to me, and I used a different route so as to avoid running into Mario again, but I'm sure people noticed my inappropriate attire and wondered what I was doing. Thank goodness they didn't stop me to ask what was going on.
Once I had returned to the locker room, I redeposited my safety gear into the trash can and emptied out my locker. And then I was caught a second time. Someone from a different sanitation team was in the locker room when I made it back there (don't ask me why because he should have been busy cleaning a machine, that lazy jerk). He made a surprised noise and asked me where I was going. I tried to act nonchalant about it and responded that I was done, for good. He made another surprised noise, made polite conversation, and then left the locker room.
By the sound of it, the man in the locker room hadn't realized I was leaving early. But fearing that he might connect the dots, notify a supervisor, and I'd be caught before I could leave the factory property, I moved even faster than before. I grabbed everything from my locker, returned my locks (I forgot my tools in a place I couldn't go without my safety gear on, so I left it there), and went to the break room to get the tupperware I had brought that day. And guess who was in the break room. El Cholo (see El Cholo).
He was also surprised to see me out of my safety gear and asked me what I was doing. All I said was "I'm out" and received "That's bull___" in return. I didn't bother responding, even though I would have loved to say "No. What's bull___ is how worthless of a human being you are." Instead, I rushed out of the factory, half-fearing that someone would have sounded the alarm and I would be chased down by factory security and made to finish out the full work day. I saw myself getting tackled on the pavement and being drug back into the factory while struggling to free myself and screaming "I'm not going back! You'll never take me alive!"
Luckily, or unluckily, no one chased after me, I wasn't tackled, and I didn't have to scream out prison cliches. But I still biked away from that pit of misery as fast as I possibly could.
I wonder how long it took for everyone to figure out that I was gone. At least three people had seen me leaving, two of which I had admitted to being done for the day (and for good). A part of me feels guilty for just walking out. I've never done anything like that, and part of me feels responsible for not doing my fair share of the remainder of the day's work. But I won't be losing any sleep tonight. They kept saying they were going to soak me with the water hoses, and, guess what. I was too stealthy for that! No soaking this deadly ninja assassin!
One final note : In all of the excitement of my not so great escape, I am not sure if I clocked out properly. I may have actually clocked out and then clocked right back in. Whoops.
Final Daily Ice-Cream Intake :
1/4 Gallon - Cookie Dough Ice-Cream, 2 Ice-Cream Candy Bars
(see also The Summer of Free Ice-Cream (A Running Tally))
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