09 May 2012

(#38) The "Mannequin Lover" I Should've

The other day, I was walking down the street next to the Boston Common when I noticed a strange man coming my direction.

He wore what I assumed (and hoped) was a long, scraggly black wig on underneath a top hat with sunglasses and a black jacket which was much too short for his skinny, long arms. Yes, this is odd, but it gets even odder.

The man was carrying a legless mannequin with a matching getup!

I just gawked as I kept walking, but I should've . . . run up to the man and grabbed at the mannequin, sobbing and shouting "You told me it was over between you two! You promised me it was over! I love you, baby! Please, come back to me! Don't do this! Don't do this to me, baby!"

07 May 2012

(#37) The "Wedding Trash Talk" I Should've

The other day, my roommate and I were meeting some people for dinner at a restaurant downtown. It turned out these friends were going to be late (thank you, Green line), so we decided to cross the street and hang out in a park until they arrived.

While roaming around the park, we saw a wedding party taking pictures.

I should've . . . walked through the wedding party and said really obnoxious things like "That wedding dress makes you look fat" or "The bridesmaid's dresses look like birth control pills" or "You know your husband slept with my sister last night, right? Yeah. She's got herpes. Have fun with that."

29 April 2012

(#36) The "Bicycle Butt Slap" I Should've

Last night, a friend was driving me home. We were going down a road that had a bike lane on the right hand side and there were two bicyclists pedaling away.

I Should've . . . rolled down my window, slapped the bicyclists on the butt as we passed them, and said "Good job saving the environment, you dirty hippies!"