Demolition Derbies Are Awesome

The county fair was this week. It lasted five days, but the only thing I was interested in going to was the Demolition Derby. Forget the animals and the live bands. Who cares about the 4H fundraisers or hypnotists? All I cared about was seeing rednecks crash their junky cars into the junky cars of other rednecks.

I'd never been to a demolition derby before. I admit that it, at least this particular one, wasn't quite as spectacular as I had hoped. No cars flipped over, there were no explosions, and no wheels flew off into the audience. That said, violent crashes were abundant and I did greatly enjoy myself.




One of the things I enjoyed most was having my niece and nephew there with me. When we were walking across the parking lot (which was really a field where cars were parked in endless rows, you know how fairs are), my niece asked me how we would know which cars were going to be in the derby. I responded that they would be the ones that were "really crappy and look like they're falling apart." She nodded seriously and began to scan the parking lot for cars that matched my description.

Turns out my niece and nephew really enjoyed the derby. Their little commentaries were hilarious and it was surprising for me to see how much attention they gave to the derby. They even began choosing favorite cars. There were several demolition matches, and from where we sat, we could see all of the cars parked outside of the demolition field. One car, number 40, didn't enter the derby until one of the last matches. Somehow, these smart whipper-snappers noticed that this car hadn't been used and they kept asking me when it would be. I hadn't been paying attention to the numbers of the cars and wasn't even sure if it had been in the derby or not at that point. After all, all derby cars are junkers, even before the derby begins, so it's kind of hard to tell. But as it turns out, they were right. Number 40 hadn't been in the derby and when it finally drove into the demolition field, they were beyond excited.

Many exciting things that happened throughout the course of the demolition derby. The crew that walked around the dirt barrier that enclosed the demolition field kept almost being hit by cars that were bushed up onto the barrier (see picture to the left), one car that was pushed up on the barrier got stuck and when it tried to get off the spinning tire shot a geyser of dirt into the audience, and even one car started on fire! Axles were breaking left and right, engines were leaking coolant like there was no tomorrow, and the crowd made all of the appropriate "ooooo" and "awww" noises along the way.

Overall, I would rate my first demolition derby a 9 out of 10 stars. What the actual derby itself lacked in over-the-top Hollywood explosions it made up for it by supplying ample people watching enjoyment. The predominantly redneck audience was enough to keep me occupied between the matches. Teenagers strutted about like they were invincible, scrawny as Hell guys walked around with sleeveless t-shirts as if they wanted to show off their "guns" (which were really more like popguns), and there was this large woman who was wearing a tank top and was sunburnt on her back so badly that it was covered in blisters--seeing this revolting image caused me think of those frogs that hatch their spawn out of their backs. In short, the crowd was a pulsing mass of cut-off t-shirts, buzzed heads, and smiles that displayed poor dental hygeine. I'm sure a lot of these people are the salt of the earth, but I won't lie. I thought most of them belonged in a freak show.

It may not have been the most respectable form of entertainment, but I was able to spend time in my niece and newphew while seeing people crash their cars. I think it was a worthwhile way to spend my Saturday evening, and you better bet that I'd go to another demolition derby.