28 July 2011

Things You Should Know About Dracula

I am currently a little over half-way through Dracula by Bram Stoker, and I have been enjoying it very much. But while I was reading, I couldn't help but be struck by several things. Some of these things have contradicted what I have known about Dracula (the character) while others have left me amused or even laughing out loud. For those of you who have not read the novel, I suggest that you do. You may not fully understand all of my points, but read on, anyway. I promise I'll do by best to explain.

Dracula has a What?

The first thing I must mention is that the Dracula in this novel--THE Dracula--The Master of all Vampires as depicted in the original novel--has a mustache! And it's a big one! I, personally, am disgusted by the thought of Dracula having a mustache, partially because it is a signifier of pedophilia (which may not be too far of a stretch given the plethora of child victims throughout the novel), but primarily because mustaches just aren't that intimidating. I think of Captain Hook, a bumbling, comedic villian, or old black and white films in which women fool people into thinking that they'e men by simply penciling in mustaches onto their faces. Not scary. The edition I am reading is illustrated, and I am pleased to see that even the illustrator must have been disgusted by Dracula's mustache beause she has omitted them from all drawings of him. Good job.

Things I Have Learned About Late 19th-Century England

Breaking out of your cell in an insane asylum is fairly easy.
The British are very good at repressing horrific memories after they record them in their diaries.
(For example : Lucy is a sleepwalker and is staying with her BFF Mina. One night, Mina discovers that Lucy is gone and goes to find her. She finds Lucy laying on a bench . . . in a cemetary . . . with a hulking dark figure with glowing, red eyes looming over her. Mina records this in her diary but does not ruminate on it or mention it to anyone ever again!)

Learning shorthand is not something wealthy, schooled people learn for the fun or practicality of it. They also use it to trick vampires and play jokes on foreigners. 

It is quite normal for gigantic bats to try and get into the same bedroom night after night. Write it down in your journal . . . and move on. (reference to Sassy Gay Friend - Hamlet)

England had cougars (older women who sexually prey on younger men, not the wild animal). They frequented the opera and Van Helsing disliked them.

Matching blood type is overrated. What really matters is the type of person the blood comes from. If a dying woman receives the blood of a healthy man, she will gain his strength. If she gets sick again, give her more blood from a different healthy man. And if it happens again--find another man willing to donate his blood! And so on and so forth. And if she dies, it's time to be shocked and start thinking outside the box--oh, I got it, vampire attack!
(This happens to Lucy, and the book blames Dracula for her death, but I wonder if it wasn't the result of poor medical information. What is the likelihood of four different men having compatible blood with a fifth person? Not likely. Rest in peace, Lucy. Your doctor was an idiot.)

I mention all of these things lightly because I find humor in most things, but do not mistake me. I love this book. It is darkly complex in its mature treatment of demonology, expertly measured in its tension, beautifully written, and surprisingly violent. It has no remorse for raping innocence, but that doesn't mean we can't laugh at it just a little bit.

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