The other day, I was riding on the T when a man began moving around the train and asking for change. He was very, very nice about it, unlike certain homeless individuals.
As he was asking for change, he kept telling us about himself. "I am homeless. I live in the Cambridge Cemetery in Cambridge, Massachusetts. I have no money for food or shelter. If anyone could, please, please, spare any change, I would greatly appreciate it. God bless you. Thank you." And then he would repeat himself. He did this several times.
During one reiteration, I got an idea.
I should've . . . started moving around the train and competing for change, coming up with an even more dramatic story and see which one of us inspired the most sympathy and got the most change. "State legislation has been passed so that I can never live in a house again. I live in the sewers underneath Cambridge, Massachusetts, attempting to stay warm by covering myself in the waste that oozes through those dark, stinking passageways. Rats have eaten off all of my toes. I have arthritis, asthma, and erectile dysfunction. If you could, please, please, spare any change, I would greatly appreciate it. God bless you. Thank you."
I imagine the homeless man would have glared at me and began to tell even more dramatic details about his impoverished life so as to combat me. I would have then made something else up, and we would have gone back and forth until I either got off on my stop or he stabbed me in the gut.
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