The Glory of Hilary Duff

Like any other store that sells televisions, the pawn shop where I work has a section devoted to displaying a wide array of TVs. I would say that we have about twenty-five of them. There are quite a few smaller tube and LCD TVs measuring anywhere between 13" and 32", but we also have several large ones, namely a 42" LCD, a 50" plasma, and a 62" rear projection TV. Of course, all of these TVs are playing during all business hours. There is, however, no motherboard for them all. We actually have a handful of DVD players scattered throughout the displays and hooked into splitters that are each connected to a handful of the televisions. This creates several networks, each of which is composed of only a few TVs and playing a different movie.

The other day, I noticed that we had at least three copies of From Justin To Kelly, that horrible movie that Kelly Clarkson and the afro guy who lost the first season of American Idol starred in. I thought it would be funny if I could find enough copies to get all of the TVs playing that shameful excuse for cinema, but I was unable to succeed in this endeavor. I did, however, find a consolation that proved to be much superior.

I noticed that three of the TV networks were playing movies with Hilary Duff in them. One was playing Agent Cody Banks, another one was playing the remake of Cheaper By The Dozen, and the third was playing A Cinderella Story. It was fate, I tell you. Fate. And I vowed to make it so that every television in the store was playing a movie with Hilary Duff in it. I managed to find two more copies of Cheaper By The Dozen and two copies of The Girl Can Rock (Hilary Duff in concert). I was shocked at how easily finding seven Hilary Duff DVDs proved to be, but all was not smooth sailing. I did run into one problem in my Hilay Duff quest.

One of the DVD players, which had been playing Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, did not want to open so I could swap out the DVDs. I hit the open button but the player would just make a grinding noise and the drawer would jiggle but not open. I spent nearly five minutes trying to get that DVD player to open, and in the end I suceeded. I like to think that Hilary Duff, where ever she is, felt a little thrill course through her body and smiled for some reason she did not know.

I really don't like Hilary Duff. She's a horrible actress and most deinfitely CANNOT rock, despite what her DVD says, but, oh, our television display is now life changing. I encouraged my fellow employees to "behold the glory", and they beheld, and I saw that it was good, and thus ended the fourth day of the work week.