The Blackest of Fridays

There are two things that should be known about me. 1) I like to do silly things to the extreme, and 2) I love getting things on sale. These two character traits have led me to go Black Friday shopping these past three consecutive years. The first year, I waited outside in the cold for six hours at a single store. The second year and third years, I braved the crowds with my mother and shopped until the early afternoon. But this year, I had the chance to experience both sides of Black Friday--the shopper side and the worker side. It was quite the experience and very successful for both the shopping and working sides. Let me recount the insanity.

Thanksgiving

10:00 am - Wake up
1:30 pm - Eat a Thanksgiving meal with the family.
4:00 - 5:30 pm - Lay down to nap, hoping it will last three hours and then be disappointed when it only lasts one and a half.
7:00 - 10:40 pm - Drive across the state to an outlet mall that is on the way home, start feeling tired, and dread the following twenty-four hours.
10:40 pm - Discover that even though the stores at this outlet mall were supposed to open for Black Friday at midnight that many of them have opened early. Be very happy.
11:21 pm - Buy a leather coat that was originally priced at $250 for $45, put your old coat in your car, and put on the new leather one. Continue shopping.
11:21 - 11:59 pm - Go to Banana Republic and buy a belt for $6 and cologne for half off. Gawk at the long line of women standing out in the cold waiting for their chance to go into the Coach outlet.

Black Friday

12:00 - 1:40 am - Continue shopping. Buy a sweet illustrated edition of Dracula for $5.99. Be disappointed at the clothing you find in the various stores and buy none of it.
1:40 - 2:00 am - Drive back to the town where you live and park outside of Kohl's. It will not open until 3:00 am so go next door to Wal-Mart and look around.
2:00 - 2:45 am - Look around Wal-Mart. Be surprised it is not super busy. Urinate in the bathroom. Purchase a Pepsi and Snicker's bar for much needed caffeine and sugar. Feel tired.
2:45 - 3:00 am - Wait outside of Kohl's for the doors to open. Wish the cold would just hurry up and kill you so you can stop suffering. Welcome a friend and her friend to join you in line.
3:00 - 4:00 am - Shop at Kohl's. Find a pair of gloves and a pair of black jeans. Allow yourself to be enticed to sign up for a Kohl's card because doing so will move you to the front of the line. Argue with the cashier about what discounts you are entitled to. Benefit from savings of over $45.
4:00 - 4:40 am - Shop at JcPenny's. Be disappointed in their clothing selection. Buy three large pillows.
4:40 - 5:15 am - Try to maneuver through the crowds with three large pillows and bump into many things. Take a break to snack at Chick Fil A. Laugh at the people waiting in line for free $10 gift cards and decide waiting for that is not worth your time.
5:15 - 6:30 am - Shop at Target. Bump into more things with your oversized pillows. Find nothing you want to buy. Stand in line. Ditch your friend and her friend to go to Best Buy.
6:30 - 7:15 am - Go to Best Buy. Look around. Curse your oversized pillows. Feel tired. Wait in line and be happy that it is moving quickly. Be tempted to buy more things, resist the urge, only buy Dollhouse Season 1 for $9.99. Be disappointed Season 2 is not on sale.
7:30 am - Leave the mall. Feel tired.
7:45 am - Arrive at work. Feel tired. Be shocked to see a huge line of cars next door at the fabric store.
8:00 - 9:00 am - Put out the jewelry display and grow angrier and angrier as people begin to line up outside the front door of the pawn shop. Feel tired.
9:00 - 11:00 am - Deal with a shocking number of people. Be surprised that you are not feeling more tired than you are. Be confused about the pawn shop's Black Friday specials. Watch a co-worker mistakenly tell someone Wii's were $60. Listen to the customers complain about the misinformation they were given.
11:00 - 1:30 pm - Work hard.
1:30 - 2:00 pm - Eat a burrito for lunch. Feel tired. Drink caffeine. Remember the great deals you got that morning and smile to yourself.
2:00 - 3:00 pm - Feel not so tired.
3:00 - 6:00 pm - Continue working. Feel like you are not awake and are in a dream, numb and disconnected from the world. Talk to people much more informally than you normally do, kind of like you are drunk. Be surprised you are not making mistakes even though you are insanely tired.
6:00 - 10:30 pm - Go home, unpack from your trip to visit your family, eat dinner, watch South Park, begin watching Hoarders, give up on Hoarders twenty minutes into the episode and go to sleep.

I can't believe I did it, but I went shopping for nine hours and then worked for ten--and I survived. I didn't even crash my car or pass out into a wood chipper or anything! The only problem is that I balanced my check book the following Sunday and had a nasty surprise. I have not financially ruined myself by any means, but it was still not a pleasant thing to watch my balance wane before my eyes. It's alright, though. I got some sweet deals and that's what matters. And this year, unlike other years, I spent money, but I also made some by working. Well, even with working, I still netted a loss for the day, but you know what I mean.