The Queen of Sob Stories

There is a couple who often comes into the pawn shop to either sell or pawn a seemingly endless supply of electronics, jewelry, and DVDs. A while ago they had both pawned their wedding rings, but today they were finally able to pay off those loans and reclaim them. The couple peacefully slipped each other's ring on each other's finger in a pseudo-vow renewal ceremony inside the pawn shop. It's horrible to think they had to pawn their wedding rings, but it's great to see a couple stick together through what must have been dire financial circumstances. It may have been the cutest thing I will ever encounter in my life.

On another note, there is nothing cute about a woman I will hence forth be referred to as The Queen of Sob Stories (AKA The Queen, for short). How foolish I feel taking the bait she offered before I realized I was standing in the presence of such sob story royalty. She was standing next to the pawn counter, waiting to be served, and I asked her if she had already been helped. The Queen began unfolding a story of how she had been in an out of town car wreck a few weeks previously and had been hospitalized there for several days. Knowing that this unforeseeable tragedy would cause her to be late on paying some of her pawn loans, The Queen faxed a friend (whom I will hence forth refer to as The Peasant) a note saying that she gave permission for this friend to pay for and pick up her belongings. This was done, but The Peasant, for some undisclosed reason, pawned The Queen's reclaimed items back under The Peasant's name. But, The Queen informed me, that wasn't why she was there. Her father was going to pick up those items the next day. She just wanted to see how large of a loan she could get for an autographed football helmet and set of rookie trading cards. Unable to price items, especially such rare ones such as those, I went to a manager and told him about The Queen's request. My manager was not pleased. He had dealt with The Queen before and knew well of her powers of casting sob stories over unwary pawn shop employees. A while back, The Queen had called into the shop and spoke with this manager. At that time, she had several loans that were overdue and she was asking for information on how much she could get for pawning new, specific items. She was seeking these new loans because her father had recently died and she didn't even have the money to pay a hair stylist to cut his hair for the funeral. In fact, The Queen told my manager, she was cutting her dead father's hair while they spoke! And, sure enough, my manager could hear the buzzing of hair clippers in the background! A while after this phone call, The Queen came into the store accompanied by her father. And, no, he was not a reanimated corpse or zombie hungering for human flesh, but he had never died at all! She had lied about her father dying and had gone so far as to have hair clippers buzzing so my manager could hear them over the phone so as to make the sob story seem more real! On top of that, there had been other encounters with The Queen when she had told tales of having family heirlooms stolen from the delinquent teenagers next door, of her house starting on fire, and medical emergencies which required skin grafts. After telling me this, my manger sent me back to The Queen to inform her that it would be a few minutes before her items could be appraised for a loan. When I did so, The Queen became teary eyed and said she was so frustrated with our pawn shop because we "refused to work with" her. She then said she had lost a nephew in this out of town car wreck, at which point I had a difficult time choking back my laughter and keeping from smiling. If she was so shameless so as to lie about her father's death and then to even lie about having to cut his hair for the funeral I doubted she would think twice about lying about losing a nephew in a car wreck. Either way, dead nephew or not, she waited and was given a price much lower than the outrageous one she had been hoping to get. I fear she will order us to be beheaded for rebellion.