(#36) The "Bicycle Butt Slap" I Should've

Last night, a friend was driving me home. We were going down a road that had a bike lane on the right hand side and there were two bicyclists pedaling away.

I Should've . . . rolled down my window, slapped the bicyclists on the butt as we passed them, and said "Good job saving the environment, you dirty hippies!"

(#35) The "Plate Swap" I Should've

Last week, I was informed of a free seminar about combating writer's block and procrastination. It sounded great. Free advice from a professional? But wait, it gets better. The promotional material I received promised a free book, a free personal consultation, AND a free meal--all for just showing up and listening to this woman speak! Forget the book, forget the advice, they had me at "free meal."

Unfortunately, when I got to the event this evening, the "free meal" was actually four veggie platters. I was pissed. I'd skipped dinner.

So, I did what most people would do. I piled a plate high and ate my humus and veggies while secretly cursing everyone present.

After finishing my plate (which, sadly, was a pitiful 6" plate), I noticed the woman sitting next to me was talking to someone else. Her back was turned to me and her plate of fresh veggies and humus stood within my reach.

I should've . . . stealthily swapped my empty plate for her full plate. Two things could have happened at that point. 1) She could have realized I was stealing her food. In response, I would have told her not to be selfish. OR 2) She wouldn't have noticed right away, and when she finally did (at which point I probably would have already consumed her food), I would have pointed to the man sitting behind me and shook my head in disbelief.

(#34) The "Posthumous" I Should've

Tonight in my Textual Editing and Criticism class, we were discussing the work of Thomas Wolfe. He was a well-known author back in the earlier part of the 20th century. One of his works, Look Homeward, Angel is considered to be controversial because of how he collaborated with his editor, Maxwell Perkins, to bring the novel into print (changing the novel in many drastic ways).

To better illustrate Wolfe's body of work, our professor drew several circles on the whiteboard. One to represent each of the novels Wolfe wrote while alive and then another circle with two smaller circles with an X in each of them to represent Wolfe's work that was published after he died. I thought this last circle was hilarious because the professor didn't realize what he drew closely resembled.



As he continued talking, I should've . . . calmly walked up to the front of the classroom, gently took the dry erase marker from his hand, completed the picture, and then sat back down in my seat because I'm sure everyone in the class was wanting to do the same thing. Especially since the circle was labeled "Posthumous". How ironic.