All Aboard The Ass Train

When placing an item out on display on the pawn shop floor, there are several things that need to be done. The item needs to be 1) cleaned off, 2) tested to make sure it still works, and 3) the price and important details about the item need to be displayed by attaching a colorful burst-shaped piece of paper--called starbursts--to it.

When I first started this job, everytime someone would say starburst, my mouth would water as I thought of the fruity goodness of the similarly named candy. Now, however, I often cringe at the thought of the tedious nature of the starburst. Correctly labeling a starburst requires putting a description of the item along with the price and a list of any accessories that it may include on the front while putting the item number and location of where the included accessories are being stored on the back. For example, a starburst for an Ipod may say something like "32 GB Ipod Touch w/ charger $249.99" on the front with "12847389, charger in small e's drawer" on the back. But just correcting filling out a starburst is not the end. There is also the task of taping the starburst onto the front of the item in a location that will leave it visible to customers when placed a shelf, display, or inside one of our generously stocked glass cases.

All in all, writing out and putting starbursts on almost every item in the store is time consuming, but they do prove to be very handy. For example, they keep customers from bothering me and my fellow employees with such simple questions like "How much does this cost?" And as they often also state what accessories are included with them, they keep a lot of people from asking us "Does that come with a charger?" So, yes, the time put into writing out starbursts does earn itself back, but lately we have come across a problem with the starbursts.

The other day, one of my managers was helping a customer pick out a digital camera. The customer asked what was included with the camera and my manager began to read the starburst to him. It came with a "charger, memory card, and ass." Luckily my manager caught himself before he read the final word on the starburst. It was very clear what had happened--someone had been abbreviated accessories as "ass" instead of "acc". What a glorious mistake, and I half wish that we would adopt the new abbreviation as it is much more entertaining than the correct one. Oh, the fun I would have telling a customer that "Yes, this camera comes with ass. I'll go get that for you."

Several instances of this have been popping up around the store, and it has been a pleasure discovering each and every one of them. My favorite item has been a train set labeled as "Toy Train Set w/ ass". I have no idea what that would mean if it were to be taken literally, but it doesn't matter because all I want to do is bellow a warning of "All aboard! All aboard the train with ass! The train with ass is boarding! All aboard!"

To my great dismay, as well as the displeasure of several of my co-workers, the incorrect abbreviation has been addressed and stifled. There will be no more items showing up on the pawn shop floor with starbursts declaring that they also come with ass. What a sad thought.