Demolition Derbies Are Awesome

The county fair was this week. It lasted five days, but the only thing I was interested in going to was the Demolition Derby. Forget the animals and the live bands. Who cares about the 4H fundraisers or hypnotists? All I cared about was seeing rednecks crash their junky cars into the junky cars of other rednecks.

I'd never been to a demolition derby before. I admit that it, at least this particular one, wasn't quite as spectacular as I had hoped. No cars flipped over, there were no explosions, and no wheels flew off into the audience. That said, violent crashes were abundant and I did greatly enjoy myself.




One of the things I enjoyed most was having my niece and nephew there with me. When we were walking across the parking lot (which was really a field where cars were parked in endless rows, you know how fairs are), my niece asked me how we would know which cars were going to be in the derby. I responded that they would be the ones that were "really crappy and look like they're falling apart." She nodded seriously and began to scan the parking lot for cars that matched my description.

Turns out my niece and nephew really enjoyed the derby. Their little commentaries were hilarious and it was surprising for me to see how much attention they gave to the derby. They even began choosing favorite cars. There were several demolition matches, and from where we sat, we could see all of the cars parked outside of the demolition field. One car, number 40, didn't enter the derby until one of the last matches. Somehow, these smart whipper-snappers noticed that this car hadn't been used and they kept asking me when it would be. I hadn't been paying attention to the numbers of the cars and wasn't even sure if it had been in the derby or not at that point. After all, all derby cars are junkers, even before the derby begins, so it's kind of hard to tell. But as it turns out, they were right. Number 40 hadn't been in the derby and when it finally drove into the demolition field, they were beyond excited.

Many exciting things that happened throughout the course of the demolition derby. The crew that walked around the dirt barrier that enclosed the demolition field kept almost being hit by cars that were bushed up onto the barrier (see picture to the left), one car that was pushed up on the barrier got stuck and when it tried to get off the spinning tire shot a geyser of dirt into the audience, and even one car started on fire! Axles were breaking left and right, engines were leaking coolant like there was no tomorrow, and the crowd made all of the appropriate "ooooo" and "awww" noises along the way.

Overall, I would rate my first demolition derby a 9 out of 10 stars. What the actual derby itself lacked in over-the-top Hollywood explosions it made up for it by supplying ample people watching enjoyment. The predominantly redneck audience was enough to keep me occupied between the matches. Teenagers strutted about like they were invincible, scrawny as Hell guys walked around with sleeveless t-shirts as if they wanted to show off their "guns" (which were really more like popguns), and there was this large woman who was wearing a tank top and was sunburnt on her back so badly that it was covered in blisters--seeing this revolting image caused me think of those frogs that hatch their spawn out of their backs. In short, the crowd was a pulsing mass of cut-off t-shirts, buzzed heads, and smiles that displayed poor dental hygeine. I'm sure a lot of these people are the salt of the earth, but I won't lie. I thought most of them belonged in a freak show.

It may not have been the most respectable form of entertainment, but I was able to spend time in my niece and newphew while seeing people crash their cars. I think it was a worthwhile way to spend my Saturday evening, and you better bet that I'd go to another demolition derby.

Things You Should Know About Dracula

I am currently a little over half-way through Dracula by Bram Stoker, and I have been enjoying it very much. But while I was reading, I couldn't help but be struck by several things. Some of these things have contradicted what I have known about Dracula (the character) while others have left me amused or even laughing out loud. For those of you who have not read the novel, I suggest that you do. You may not fully understand all of my points, but read on, anyway. I promise I'll do by best to explain.

Dracula has a What?

The first thing I must mention is that the Dracula in this novel--THE Dracula--The Master of all Vampires as depicted in the original novel--has a mustache! And it's a big one! I, personally, am disgusted by the thought of Dracula having a mustache, partially because it is a signifier of pedophilia (which may not be too far of a stretch given the plethora of child victims throughout the novel), but primarily because mustaches just aren't that intimidating. I think of Captain Hook, a bumbling, comedic villian, or old black and white films in which women fool people into thinking that they'e men by simply penciling in mustaches onto their faces. Not scary. The edition I am reading is illustrated, and I am pleased to see that even the illustrator must have been disgusted by Dracula's mustache beause she has omitted them from all drawings of him. Good job.

Things I Have Learned About Late 19th-Century England

Breaking out of your cell in an insane asylum is fairly easy.
The British are very good at repressing horrific memories after they record them in their diaries.
(For example : Lucy is a sleepwalker and is staying with her BFF Mina. One night, Mina discovers that Lucy is gone and goes to find her. She finds Lucy laying on a bench . . . in a cemetary . . . with a hulking dark figure with glowing, red eyes looming over her. Mina records this in her diary but does not ruminate on it or mention it to anyone ever again!)

Learning shorthand is not something wealthy, schooled people learn for the fun or practicality of it. They also use it to trick vampires and play jokes on foreigners. 

It is quite normal for gigantic bats to try and get into the same bedroom night after night. Write it down in your journal . . . and move on. (reference to Sassy Gay Friend - Hamlet)

England had cougars (older women who sexually prey on younger men, not the wild animal). They frequented the opera and Van Helsing disliked them.

Matching blood type is overrated. What really matters is the type of person the blood comes from. If a dying woman receives the blood of a healthy man, she will gain his strength. If she gets sick again, give her more blood from a different healthy man. And if it happens again--find another man willing to donate his blood! And so on and so forth. And if she dies, it's time to be shocked and start thinking outside the box--oh, I got it, vampire attack!
(This happens to Lucy, and the book blames Dracula for her death, but I wonder if it wasn't the result of poor medical information. What is the likelihood of four different men having compatible blood with a fifth person? Not likely. Rest in peace, Lucy. Your doctor was an idiot.)

I mention all of these things lightly because I find humor in most things, but do not mistake me. I love this book. It is darkly complex in its mature treatment of demonology, expertly measured in its tension, beautifully written, and surprisingly violent. It has no remorse for raping innocence, but that doesn't mean we can't laugh at it just a little bit.

Let the Summer Goals Begin

Now that I have officially escaped from the hell that was the ice-cream factory (see The Not So Great Escape), I am free to do as I please . . . all day . . . every day. This is officially day three of my summer 2011 freedom, and I have been enjoying every second of it. I find myself smiling for no reason. I have more energy. I am less stressed. But, hold on, I am not just lazing about. No. I have lots I plan to accomplish before beginning graduate school this fall. And that's what this blog is going to be about until I move to Boston and find another job--the crap I do in my free time.

For your convenience, I have listed my summer goals on the right hand side of the screen for you to monitor how well I am doing. I will place an X next to each goal that I complete and fill you in on anything I think will be of any interest. For example, for my goal to read Dracula by Bram Stoker, I will blog any humorous thoughts I have about the novel; or, for my photography goal, I will post pictures I take over the summer.

After eight weeks at a horrible job, I am ready to have some fun. Are you?